Cast No Stone 1/29/2020
At seventeen I ran away from a world that I could no longer tolerate . I ran from the pain, the abuse, the coverups, the lies, and above all else, I ran from my father. One would think that life would have gotten easier now that the threat was relieved. However, this was not the case. Guilt of leaving my brothers behind, guilt of hurting my mother, fear of all the “what ifs” became my world. Smile for others, cry in silence, laugh out loud, bury the conscience. It was a heavy endeavor. I exchanged one bad place for another. As I struggled to gain perspective on my new reality, my life was filled with darkness of memories, choices, and panic as I searched for answers that seemed elusive at best. Mistake after mistakes were made and their offspring- turmoil.
It was in my bleakest moments, when I needed God the most, that it became the hardest to go to church. When I wanted to cry out and seek his guidance, I all but faltered, giving fear a victory. Why? Fear of judgement, yes. Fear of what people would say, yes. Fear of being persecuted for my mistakes? My past? Sadly, yes to both.
In this I share a story. John 8:2-11 -- The parable describes a woman sinner caught in the very act of adultery. The Pharisees, testing Jesus, brought her to stand before judgement, claiming that she was caught in the act and therefore, should be stoned. Jesus showed no alarm, and without even looking, wrote with his finger in the sand, seemingly ignoring the accusers. The scribes and the Pharisees continued pushing the subject of what should happen to the woman. Jesus straightened and said, “He that is without sin may cast the first stone.” He once again dropped his head and concentrated more on the ground beneath him, than the condemning crowd before him. When they heard it, they went away, beginning with the elders first, leaving the woman and Jesus alone. “Woman, where are thou accusers? -Not even one accuser?” The woman answers, “No not one.” And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”
I have thought back on this for many years and I am saddened that my fear of people, kept me from my healing with God. I am saddened that when I was lost, broken, and hurt, my hindrance came from the fear of what the church people would think or say, rather than coming to terms with how to right my wrongs with God.
I fought hard to grace the footsteps of a small church about a year after leaving home. All the turmoil of what if’s were put to sleep and the sought-after peace began to take hold. I was met with kindness, understanding and love. My choir director who gave praises of encouragement, despite my off-key moments and gave inspiration abundantly, spanning twenty plus years-. The pastor, who without knowing, gave me hope, and there were those close friendships that taught me how to move beyond my own thoughts, and be transformed.
It was a beautiful lesson both then and especially, now of which, the benefits are still prolific. Although, I have long since moved away from this church, the friendships have exceeded my expectations. I was not judged by my past; I was not condemned because of my sin. I was invited. I was welcomed. I was brought in as their own. I was loved. I was loved because a church believed that God sent his son to save and heal, and each of them, an extension of His will and grace. I was someone. I am today- someone.
The message is simple ---there is no sin too big, that God can’t forgive. There is no bigger ministry that loving the sinner, the broken, and even the law breakers. In my walk with God, I have surrendered more to forgive than to cast a stone because I am an example of the benefit of love. When I was wrong, somebody loved me. When I was weak, some held me, when I showed an interest, someone encouraged me and that has made all the difference. Walk away from judgment, surrender to his will. It is by his Grace and our Faith that makes salvation possible. Be the invite, the welcoming committee, the hope, and the transformation, for this is the will of God.
John 3:16
For God so loved the word that he gave his only begotton Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.